Speaking from experience (and as someone who’s broken this rule a few times early in my career), I can confidently say that the less “negative energy” we project, the better our flipping business performs in the long run.

As we discussed in Commandment 6 about networking and working the room, real estate is as much about relationships as it is about numbers and trends. These relationships, whether with realtors, contractors, or lenders, are built between imperfect humans. The stronger they are, the more your business can grow exponentially. When everyone is working toward a shared goal with clear, mutual benefits, it reduces the likelihood of conflict and fosters productive, respectful interactions.

Over time, I’ve also developed a policy of cutting ties with people who treat me poorly. I don’t care how skilled or talented someone is. If they’re not nice, they’re not someone I want to work with. The bottom line is that it all boils down to this simple principle: be nice.

We’ll dive deeper into the key areas where this commandment is often violated and how to avoid falling into those traps. But for now, let’s recap where we stand.

Ten Commandments of House Flipping

1. Thou shalt know the After Repair Value (ARV) ✅

2. Thou shalt keep multiple exit strategies ✅

3. Thou shalt make offers daily ✅

4. Thou shalt leverage the inspection period ✅

5. Thou shalt not advance money to contractors ✅

6. Thou shalt build relationships ✅

7. Thou shalt master Other People’s Money (OPM) ✅

8. Thou shalt view failure as a lesson ✅

9. Thou shalt respect the game ✅

10. Thou shalt be nice 👈

Tenth Commandment: Thou Shalt Be Nice

Being in the position that I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, I have a pretty unique view on the industry as a whole. I also see the patterns and habits of people in general. And in my experience, the following are the main ones that I see investors hurting themselves.

• OVERCOMPENSATING
  Issue: Overcompensating can manifest into a being rude accidentally when we’re early on in our career. But it can also be present as we scale. It usually happens when we are uncomfortable or intimidated by an aspect of the business that we don’t have a ton of experience with and we try to make up for our perceived inadequacies by trying to be overly stern or confident. It’s the most common on this list and also the most easily correctable.

  Solution: At first, we think we need to be perfect and not let anyone get the idea that a new territory for us is, in fact, new. So we act overly certain in order to prevent anyone “being on to us”. In reality, being up front with what we know, what we don’t know, whether we’re nervous, and whether we’re uncertain about something is what establishes trust with a potential business partner. If we’re willing to be our imperfect selves with others, their defense mechanisms go down.

• ENTITLEMENT
  Issue: Entitlement shows its ugly little head most often with lenders, and especially when we’re new to the game. Yes, lenders are a key piece to this business. And yes, lenders are actively looking for new deals to fund based on the numbers on a project. But if we approach lenders from an entitled standpoint (meaning we assume and treat them as if we expect the money or are owed the money), they can be very easily compelled to end the relationship. And I wouldn’t blame them.

  Solution: There is a big lesson to learn about how to respect people’s money. I’ve always noticed that someone can have one personality from a general business (or even friendship) perspective, and then a completely different one once their money is brought up. So if I’m discussing doing a deal that someone else is potentially going to fund, I will show the utmost respect for how they earned it and show them that I’m overly prepared on whatever project I’m discussing.

• DISHONESTY
  Issue: Sometimes we will tell a potential partner something dishonest in order to make ourselves look a way that we think the other person prefers for us to look. We tell them we’ve done more deals than we’ve done. We tell them that the numbers are better than what they are. We do this because, for a moment, the transactional benefit of a relationship seems to be more valuable that the transformational benefit of a relationship.

  Solution: We tell the truth. It often seems like backward logic to newbies to reveal to a potential partner that we are, in fact, new or inexperienced with a certain aspect of growing our business. But when we tell the truth, even if it paints us as a picture of not being the ideal “perfect” person, others get a sense of relief that we’re being authentic and they trust us more. Trust is key to business relationships. It’s better to be honest than to pretend that we don’t have any flaws.

• MISSED COMMITMENTS
  Issue: This when we don’t do what we say we’re going to do. It can also be something bigger like stating that we will pay off a loan by a certain date and then not doing it.

  Solution: Correcting this doesn’t mean that we always meet our time or business commitments (though we should always try). Life happens and sometimes things don’t work out as planned. But it does mean showing others and ourselves respect by communicating if something is delayed or needs to be cancelled so people aren’t blindsided by something that they weren’t prepared for.

• CIRCUMVENTION
  Issue: This one, in my opinion, is the Cardinal Sin of Real Estate investing. Circumvention means going around a person that you have a commitment to (or even if you don’t have a commitment to) in order to boot them out of a deal. It often comes in the form of going around a wholesaler in order to save a few bucks or shutting a real estate agent out of a deal that they brought you. Circumvention is personally infuriating to me, way more than any of the above.

  Solution: Honestly, you can’t. Just don’t do it. I personally will shut the door forever when someone does this. They could be the most talented person in the world and if they’re willing to do this, their values don’t align with mine. At all.

To sum it all up, it’s important to deal with others by being our best self.

We’ve now hit all 10 commandments and I’m ecstatic that I’ve been able to share these with you over the last 10 weeks. Internalize them. Carry them in your mind. Write them down if you need to.

Now, go out and find those deals.